Gray Foshee
A few years back, I was preparing for a wedding ceremony. I don’t normally study much for weddings. I learn about the individuals and listen to their love story and then use the vows they have chosen. Easy Peasy and I am ready. For some reason this time, I was prompted to dig into God’s word a little deeper. The following is what I learned.
Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her”. Much is said about this passage of scripture. A husband is to lay his life down daily for his wife. Just as Christ has done for His bride, the church. As husbands we are a type of savior. As we give of ourselves it opens the door for our
wives to live. But what about the wife? I know there’s a lot of teachings about submission and respect when it comes to the wife. Some pastor’s and teachers have turned this into a legalistic religious battleground. However, Jesus was never about “being” legalistic but rather One to teach and live grace and truth. My belief is that his original intent was for us to walk in equal submission to each other (we will save that teaching for another blog someday).
Let’s look back at the original intent and what God says about Adam’s personal provision. In Genesis 2:18 we read, And the LORD God said, “it is not good that man should be alone; I will make a helper (helpmate)
suitable for him.” The Hebrew word for “helper” is ezerkenegdo. Its meaning can be traced back to “life saver”.
This is such a perfect picture of the two becoming one. As the husband lays down his life for his wife, a type of savior, the wife comes alongside and saves the life of her husband, life saver. The husband and wife have distinct differing roles. When we operate in the fullness of what God has intended for our marriages, we can experience the oneness He desires for us. When we choose a different path, we become divided and not in unity with Him, and one another.
Let’s dive into what true unity is within a marriage. We all know the enemy wants to destroy our marriages. Satan will do whatever it takes to divide us. His goal is not only to kill our marriage, but he also wants to destroy the lives of our children.
What does God say about unity? Psalm 133:1-3 has some beautiful descriptive details of what unity within our marriage can look like. Verse one says, “Behold how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity”. The Hebrew word definition for pleasant means “costly”. It’s referring to a high price or value. For us to have the unity the Psalmist is communicating about; it will cost us all something. Unity comes with a price. Sometimes it will require us to lay down our pride, egos, ideas, and selfish desires. But the benefits and rewards of unity far outweigh the sacrifices we would make.
I would like to note that the words “dwell in unity” found in that same passage means to sit, to wait, to remain and to inhabit. Therefore, after paying the cost, we will be able to sit, wait, remain, and inhabit a space together that will be beautiful. Isn’t this what we want in our marriages?
Many years ago, my wife and I watched a series (VHS-old school style) of videos by Tony Evans. In the ‘Husbands Role in Marriage’, Tony asked us to be a type of savior to our wives. That if we didn’t know where to start or what to do, to ask our wives each day, “How can I be your savior today?” Of course, we know that we have zero ability to save anyone. We also aren’t saying to fall into a performance trap mentality. The emphasis is to remember as husbands, we must lay our lives down daily, making our wives a priority.
Then as we watched the second part of the series entitled ‘The Wives Role in Marriage’, Shelly was able to understand her role as a helpmate better. She would look for ways to make my day, make my life better. This might have been physically doing a task, it could have been an encouraging word or it may have been a prayer she prayed over me. We are all impacted by our upbringing, our past, our current circumstances and our personalities. Both of these roles will look different for everyone because we are all unique and each live different lives.
Husbands, does your wife see you laying your life down daily for her? When was the last time you’ve shown her that type of agape love? Wives, have you come alongside of your husband lately? Have you partnered with him and encouraged him in a way that he has felt the agape love of the Father? It’s never too late to start living and experiencing the fullness of God’s intentions for you in your marriage.
Ask the Lord today how you can be more like Him and be the spouse He has called you to be. Ask Him to give you not only the courage, but the creativity and thoughtfulness needed to walk in the roles He has given each of us. The Holy Spirit can empower us to be and do what we are incapable of doing on our own.
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