Having Difficult Conversations!

Gio Llerena



There are so many different conversations that Suzy and I engage in everyday. For the most part they are easy. They are focused on pleasantries and tasks to be accomplished. But every so often, there are conversations that need to be leaned into and not avoided. These conversations can be difficult.

Having difficult conversations is not fun. What we have found out is that it provides a better path to connection and healing in our marriage.

We have learned a lot in our thirty years of marriage. We don’t have it all figured out and we know there is a lot more to learn. In this blog we want to share a few principles that have helped shape our marriage and allowed us to have the difficult conversations in a healthy way.

Creating a Naked and Unashamed Environment

In Genesis 2:25 it says, “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” What this passage says to us, is that just as Adam and Eve were physically naked and not ashamed, we as a couple should create that same environment.  Through the power of the Holy Spirit to be naked and unashamed in our home, not only physically but emotionally and spiritually.

Knowing that you are loved and accepted regardless of the difficult conversation changes the atmosphere. This frees us up to be confident and vulnerable at the same time. We are encouraged to create an environment that allows us to be naked and unashamed.

Listening to the Holy Spirit

One of the pieces of gold we have mined from God’s Word is to listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Romans 8:6 says, “For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.” 

God will not only lead you into whether or not you need to have the conversation, but also how to approach the conversation in the Spirit. 

Mankind is good at going at it in the flesh. All that does is reach into a wicked heart and pull out the things that fulfill the desires of the flesh. Lean into the Spirit. Is He prompting you to have the conversation?  If yes, pray for Him to lead you in the conversation. Pray over your spouse that God would prepare them to receive the information you are sharing with grace! 

What is the Desired Outcome

When entering a difficult conversation with your spouse, what are you looking for in the end? Most of the time early in our marriage, my posture was, 'I’m going to get this off my chest and make sure Suzy know exactly how I feel'. That she has disappointed me, frustrated me, or any other emotion I was experiencing!

The posture was not to resolve the conflict in a Godly way. Creating an environment where both parties are able to walk away feeling heard, loved, and encouraged to continue to grow as future conflicts arise.

Posture yourself to resolve the conflict, not to be right. This will go a long way in helping create that naked and unashamed environment that was discussed earlier in the blog.

2 Corinthians 13:11 tells us, “Finally brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you."

Final Thought

Your marriage is too important to either avoid the difficult conversation. Do not enter it with a selfish attitude. Make sure you are creating an environment that is conducive to both of you being heard and affirmed. Make sure you are striving each day to hear from the Lord and be guided by His Spirit. Lastly, as you go through the conversation, ask the Holy Spirit to remind you that your spouse is not your enemy. Yes, mistakes can be made but they can also be corrected in a healthy way. Extend grace as it has been given to you by the Lord.









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