Did I marry the right person? Have you ever asked yourself that question? Perhaps while you were dating you were so sure you wanted to spend the rest of your life with that person. Then again, maybe you observed red flags and ignored them. It could be that you thought you would make it your mission to mold them into your “ideal spouse”.
Regardless of how things got started in your marriage, most of us encounter a time when we are asking, “Did I marry the right person?”
Tammy and I (Roland) went into marriage with our eyes wide open. We were close friends for three years before we ever started dating. We had many deep talks together and had been around each other enough to know that there were things we loved about one another and things we wanted to change. We knew that we complemented each other in ways that made us better. What we didn’t anticipate was how our differences would play out in marriage.
Our first years of marriage were a whirlwind. There wasn’t much down time. Life and ministry were wild. Ministry was fruitful, but life, not so much. We quickly found ourselves investing more in others without energy or time to invest in our relationship. Things shifted from doing ministry together to running parallel paths.
Our first two children were born within the first three years of marriage. We went from romance deep into the throws of reality quickly. We were well on our way to what I had always jokingly told Tammy: “I want to fill a minivan!”
Life, ministry, parenting, and trials caused there to be unhealthy tension between us. We couldn’t seem to get on the same page. Sadly, we each wanted to be understood without valuing the emotions and perspective of the other. It was easier to keep running parallel lives than to release our own expectations of how we thought the other should be responding to our realities.
While we were fully committed to one another for life, it felt like we were just roommates. We found ourselves asking God, “Did I marry the right person?” We were asking, but I don’t know that either one of us was anticipating how God would answer that prayer.
We were introduced to 2B1 through Don and Sally. We began to examine the Faith Principles and fully embrace what God was teaching us through His Word. Genesis chapter two provided the perspective and answer to the question and doubt we were wrestling with.
I remember Don sharing with me that he found himself saying, “As sure as God brought Eve to Adam, God brought Sally to me.” By faith, Don could receive Sally and everything about her as God’s personal, perfect provision.
That was it! That was the exact truth and perspective from God’s Word that would transform our marriage.
I acknowledged that because of who God was to me, Tammy and everything about her was exactly what God so graciously had entrusted to me. What a gift! I could finally say that as sure as God brought Eve to Adam, God brought Tammy to me.
God not only revealed a definitive “Yes!” to our original question (“Did I marry the right person?”), but through His Spirit allowed us to experience a closeness beyond what we could have ever imagined. God used His word to bring about this transformation. We were both released from having to perform to being accepted by faith.
What a release to our spouse when they can know that we receive them as God’s gift to us. We love and forgive them the way that God loves and forgives us.
We don’t have to wonder if we married the right person. We can definitively know that our spouse is God’s personal, perfect provision for us.