Written By: Roland and Tammy Martinez

I don't know if any of you have heard recently that we have been lied to about divorce rates in the church...(https://ifstudies.org/blog/regular-church-attenders-marry-more-and-divorce-less-than-their-less-devout-peers) It turns out they are not actually as high as the experts claimed they were!! Wow … what a relief!

While I celebrate the selfless attitude of choosing to stay together, for whatever reason that may be – for the children, because divorce gets ugly, or knowing there must have been something that drew us together in the first place – it just makes me wonder about some things. Are marriages thriving or just surviving? Has it become more of a business partnership? Does it seem that children are the only glue holding marriages together? 

Perhaps there are things about your spouse that you would desperately like to change. Maybe thoughts have plagued you for years that you have yet to take captive and put to the test of Gods word. Thoughts like "I never should have married him", or "My mother warned me about her". How about "I do everything in this marriage and he/she does nothing”? The list can go on and on. Do you feel “attacked"? We use that word a lot as Christians, don't we? Like there is no possible way that we can fight back … well that's another lie we are believing! 

We can look at moments in our marriage that have been tough and convince ourselves that it has always been tough. Marriage isn't like the good ole Lionel Richie song "Easy Like Sunday Morning” but it isn’t all bad either.

I know that there may be those people out there that "never fight”, but that was never our story. 

This is more a part of our story … we had disagreements since day one. I didn't fall in line with what Roland's warped view of submissiveness was. He seemed to skim over the part in the Word where it says “submit yourselves one to another”. I laugh because of how crazy it used to make me! In the Cuban culture, you didn't correct your husband in front of people or God-forbid you should cast any doubt at the exaggerated story that was unfolding from their mouth. Those are the unpardonables. You just remain quiet and serve him his food, serve him his coffee, and have his babies! Haha! 

The only reason I can laugh now is because he truly has come full circle! Ok, maybe he doesn't serve me my food, or coffee, or have my babies, but he absolutely fills my heart with encouraging words exactly when I need them. He sees and says what he loves about me. He cherishes me. He needs me! He has been transformed before my eyes. Does that mean that we are one of those couples now that “never fight”? No, we are not! The only difference now is that we know who our enemy is and it's not each other, and it's not the kids, and it's not the in-laws, and it's not the church, and it's not the finances! It’s Satan himself trying to destroy our God-honoring marriage.

So, what does it take to be transformed? What does it take to move from performance to FAITH in your marriage? 

  1. “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved … !” (Contact us directly if you have questions regarding beginning a relationship with Jesus)
  2. Commit to surrendering daily to the work of the Holy Spirit in your life.
  3. Find a mentor couple you trust that can help you navigate areas where you seem stuck in your marriage.

We don’t promote this as “Three Ways to a Better Marriage”, but simply a start. A very important start that sets the foundation for a marriage to last a lifetime!