Gray Foshee
As a kid transitioning into adulthood, I heard from several people the need to lead a balanced life. For an early 20-year-old newly married “boy”, that task seemed daunting. I loved God, I loved my wife, and I loved playing basketball. In fact, I would go and play basketball 4-5 nights a week. All the while my new bride was pregnant, working a full-time job, and taking care of ALL the household responsibilities.
It wasn’t until my late 40’s, nearly 30 years later, that God showed me an image of a scale. The type of scale with a plate on each side, so as you had to have each plate weighted perfectly for them to balance out. It works by trying to balance a mass in one pan on one side against a mass in a pan on the other side. This takes precise handling and many times it takes finding the perfect match to be balanced across the beam.
Needless to say, I was terrible at trying to balance these three main loves in my life. In fact, anyone that knew me well back then would tell you that basketball was the love of my life. I am not sure I would have disagreed with them. I know I couldn’t have argued with their point of view. Here’s why….. my mind, my time, my heart was consistently wanting basketball over anyone and everything else in my life. My life was not balanced but more importantly, it was not ordered.
Jesus famously spoke in his Sermon on the Mount: “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also”. 9Matthew 6:21)The Holy Spirit used this specific verse to bring conviction to my heart. In that season of life, my heart wanted basketball more. Because of that out of ordered life, it caused a lot of pain in my marriage. I didn’t need to balance my life better. I needed to submit my heart and life to Jesus, allowing Him to bring transformation to my heart. This enables me to love the way He loves. I don’t believe God hates basketball. Yet, I do know that He wants us to love Him with all our heart, soul, and mind (Matthew 22:37).
For the sake of ease, let’s use my three loves that I mentioned above as an example. If I was to take a balance scale that had three pans instead of two and tried to balance God, Shelly (my spouse), and basketball, it would be nearly impossible. I would always be concerned that I was giving more of my time and attention over to one compared to another one. However, when we allow God to order our lives putting, God at the top, we now can establish a vertical order with my wife next underneath Him, then my family, friends, ministry, and so on.
Let me ease your mind, basketball is no longer my first love, and has not been for many years. I still enjoy the sport very much, but it does not consume my heart and mind. When we insist on trying to live a horizontally balanced life, our lives can quickly become out of order. When our first priority is God and we learn to love Him above all things, our hearts become aligned with His and we can love like He loves. This is a sacrificial love that requires us to daily lay down our lives, take up our cross and follow Jesus.(Luke 9:23). Through this love and His sanctifying work in each of us, He brings order to our lives.
Let me be clear, none of this Agape, sacrificial love is possible without the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. In order for us to live ordered lives we must submit to the Holy Spirit and be led by Him, not by our emotions/feelings. God’s desire for our marriage is to live in unity, harmony, and peace with our spouse. When we seek first God, the things of God and His righteousness, then all these things will be added to us. (Matthew 6:33) What are “these things”? These are the things are our hearts desire align with His. When our hearts are out of alignment with God’s heart, then our lives can become “out of order”.
The orderedness of my life is something that I must review often. I will be the first to admit that my heart and life can move from ordered to out of order. This is not usually a rapid unraveling but rather a slow and deceptive shift. (There’s a reason they call it deception….. because we are deceived and don’t realize it.)
Ask the Lord to reveal to you today where you may have some things out of order in your life. Don’t live in the misconception of trying to live a balanced life with everything and everyone getting an equal part of your heart, mind and time. God blesses order. He will not bless us when we give people or things equal attention and love. Take a moment, pause and reflect and ask yourself and God: Is my heart and life in order with You, God? Living a balance life will wear us out and nearly impossible. Leaning into God’s plan for us and ordering our lives under the direction of the Holy Spirit will not only free us, but give us joy.
Heavenly Father, create in me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit in me (Psalm 51:10). Forgive me for the times that my life and heart have not aligned with Yours. Reveal to me where there are things in my life today that are not ordered according to Your desire and will for me. Empower me to love my spouse sacrificially as You have loved me. I submit my life, heart, and desires to you. May my marriage reflect more of Your image than ever before, in Jesus name, amen!
If you have found striving for balance has caused turmoil in your marriage, it may be helpful to read this blog: https://www.christianfamilylife.com/navigating-faith-love/
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