Lies That Can Kill Your Marriage

Written by: Josh and Tammy Russ.

Lies, in their very nature, have the tendency to destroy whatever is in their path.  This includes but isn’t limited to relationships, careers, dreams, goals, parenting, etc.  Marriage is no exception, and we hope that by sharing a little of our experience, it may help and strengthen other marriages. 

Where the Lies Started

To begin, let’s go to God’s Word and see where lies began.  The Bible tells us in John 8:44 that Satan “does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him.  When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” The introduction of Satan in God’s word begins not only in the Garden of Eden, but just after marriage!

After Adam and Eve are joined together, Satan appears to Eve. He deceives her by causing her to question what God had said.  Wow! Satan’s first target of attack was marriage! His first strategy was to cause division between Adam and Eve.  How important must marriage and our oneness be if this was Satan’s first plan of attack?

When God found Adam and Eve in the garden, He asked in Genesis 3:11, “Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” Adam responded in verse 12, “The woman whom you gave me, she gave me fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”  Can we read that a couple of times and let that sink in? This was not only a plan of deception but division.  Their unity, their oneness, their purpose given to them from God was the target. 

More of the Same

Today, the enemy’s scheme is the same.  We have learned in our marriage that he still attacks, he still attacks with lies, and he still attacks us individually in hopes of attacking us collectively.  In our experience, the enemy has put a thought in one of our heads that we harbor, process, and hold against the other.  We must remember that God’s design for marriage is unity and oneness so we can reflect His image.  We were made in His image!

Here are some thoughts/lies that we have had faced in our marriage:

  1. Marriage shouldn’t be this difficult.
  2. We are complete opposites and have nothing in common.
  3. Absolute statements such as Never….You Never….Always….You Always….
  4. Comparison of any kind to another marriage
  5. “I’m ok, I’m fine” vs. being real and vulnerable with your spouse.
  6. I’m not in love with you anymore, I am falling out of love with you.
  7. I deserve better than you.

What Can we Do?

These are just a few and we know you could add yours to the list.  How do we combat this? Our first suggestion is to compare the thought, the lie, and the doubt with God’s truth.  Next, remember that if God’s design for marriage is unity then it would be against His character and plan to create division between us. 

Thoughts, lies, and isolated temptations that attempt to divide us will not come from God, not according to His word.  Then, we must fight the real enemy individually, and with your spouse, in prayer. When tempted with a lie, a thought or anything contrary to God’s word….pause, reflect, pray and seek scripture.   

Here’s a step by step process you could use to work through any lie or thought of division that comes against your marriage.

1.      Take every thought captive. Scripture tells us in 2 Corinthians 10:5 that “we destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.” This is not a one-time event.  It is a daily discipline that we must learn, practice, and repeat. Sometimes, multiple times a day!

2.      Know and study the character of God.  Know His plan for you as an individual and in marriage.  In John 17:22, Jesus prayed to the Father, “The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one.” This was Jesus’ prayer! Division between you and your spouse is not from God. He prayed for our oneness!

3. Know your real enemy and his strategy.  Ephesians 6:12 says, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Jesus tells us in Luke 10:19, “Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.”

4. Seek the Lord and His Truth. Find scripture that is contrary to the lie.  “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to  you.” Deuteronomy 4:29. ”But if from there you will seek the LORD your God, you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul.” 1 Chronicles 22:19 “Now set your heart and soul to seek the LORD your God.”

We all have different stories, experiences, struggles, and conflict. On that note, here’s another lie: “They don’t struggle like we do!” Here’s another truth: We all have trouble, and Jesus said we would in John 16:33,  “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace.  In this work you will have tribulation.  But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Let’s seek the Lord, know Him, know His truth, and fight in prayer.  Let’s remember the faithfulness and goodness of our God, and let these truths be the springboard for our response to anything that comes against us as individuals or our marriage. 

Christian Family Life is a marriage discipleship ministry. We are here to offer resources and support no matter what condition your marriage is in. Our passion is to Build, Enrich, and Reconcile Marriages. Find out more at

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