In the whirlwind of life, marriage can often shift from a love-filled romance to a routine partnership. In the early stages of a relationship, we celebrate our love through motions like high-fives and shared laughter, playful gestures and flirtatious talk. Our first go to is each other. We anticipate sharing with each other all the details of our daily lives. Yet, over time, the essential component of friendship can fade. So, what does it take to foster true friendship within the bounds of marriage? Why do we often lose this connection, and how can we prioritize our relationship amidst the demands of life?
At the heart of a fulfilling marriage is friendship. Genesis 26:8-9 beautifully illustrates a loving relationship where Isaac openly shows affection for Rebekah. This visible affection is a reminder that love should thrive in a relaxed atmosphere where both partners feel valued. Prioritizing each other can seem trivial, but it’s essential. Taking the time to text your spouse during the day, express gratitude, and share your thoughts, loudly signals “You matter to me.”
When entering the dating phase, the intent is often clear: “I want to see you again.” That kind of prioritization sets the tone for the entire relationship. Remember that every moment spent nurturing your bond contributes to the long-term success of your marriage. Each of our actions toward each other is either adding to or taking away from our relational bond. When we neglect each other or when we intentionally pursue each other will have a major impact on our relationship.
As couples transition into other stages of life, such as parenthood, it’s easy for the relationship to take a backseat. Children are a blessing, but they also require significant attention and energy. Amid the busyness, we must carve out moments dedicated solely to reigniting that initial spark of friendship. Plan and calendar date nights on a routine basis. Set an early bedtime ritual, giving you as a couple time to have meaningful conversations and quality time together before exhaustion sets in.
In all seasons of life there will be pulls on our time. In mid-life, our kids are older, but more involved with outside activities. Children entering college could put a financial strain on a couple, requiring us to maybe work more, and/or have a tighter budget which can add a different kind of stress. As we age, we may become responsible for parents. If we have created routines of connectedness and intentionally poured into our friendship, it creates a strong foundation to help us through these times.
A critical aspect of maintaining friendship is discovering and nurturing common ground. Shared interests can range from hobbies, and passions, to simple everyday activities. Explore creative ways to spend time together, and keep in mind that both partners need to invest effort into these experiences. Having fun together strengthens the bond and cultivates a deeper level of understanding. Consider joining your spouse in their favorite activity. For my husband who loves to watch football, I may sit next to him and watch along, letting him explain the game better to me. For me, my husband takes me thrifting (not his favorite thing to do) and watches me get excited about a treasure I find. Sometimes it’s just about “being with”. If you are struggling in this area, research a new interest that both of you would like to participate in. This doesn’t have to be hard. It could be simple projects around the house, playing games, putting puzzles together, taking walks, reading a book, or doing a Bible study together.
As individuals grow and change, so too can the interests and desires within a marriage. To foster friendship, both partners must prioritize their personal development. Encourage each other to pursue individual goals while also finding joy and growth in shared interests. This way, both of you can keep evolving together rather than drifting apart.
God has made us unique and gifted us in different ways. Learn what those are for each of you. There are many personality tests and strengths tests that you could take to help find some direction. This gives you a baseline to jump off of. Finding similarities and areas of strength in an individual will help you with this.
Romans 12:10 gives us a concept of outdoing one another in love, as inspired by faith, is a powerful strategy in cultivating friendship. When both partners intentionally and selflessly invest in one another, it creates a joyous atmosphere where love flourishes.
For us personally, once we began serving each other, it became a competition to see who could serve the other more. Yes, we both have competitive spirits, but we experienced the blessing and deep joy of serving and being served. It creates an atmosphere of being thought of and being known by the other.
Time is perhaps the most significant barrier to nurturing any relationship. We live in a world that is constantly demanding our attention. These demands; cell phones, TV, others needs, will consume all the time we have. Permitting us nothing to give to our spouse, who should be getting the “best of us”.
Money constraints can also prevent couples from enjoying quality time together. However, it’s important to remember that even small, intentional moments spent together—like a walk or a simple shared meal—can nourish your friendship. Capitalize the moments you have and use them to invest in your marriage.
Over time, marriage can lead couples to different interests and priorities. The rhythms of married life can change, and it’s essential to adapt. Make a conscious effort to communicate openly about your evolving needs and desires. Embrace the idea that friendship can look different at various stages of life but doesn’t have to disappear. As each of us change over the years, we should be willing to make adjustments to maintain deep connectedness to one another.
Being best friends with your spouse means you should consider your relationship the priority, ensuring others know where they fit into your shared life. Maintaining companionship doesn’t necessarily mean isolating yourselves from the world; rather, it’s about creating a solid foundation that supports both partners.friendship
One area, where my husband and I made sure this was reflected was with our kids. They understood that they could not play us against each other. They began to understand that we were a team working towards the same goals. In general, most people that know us very well know how very close we are. Most times when things are shared with us, even in confidence, we ask if we can share it with our spouse. This may not work for everyone, but it does create a distinct unity as husband and wife.
The truth is, friendship in marriage isn’t just nice to have—it’s the foundation of a strong, lasting bond. Marriage can and should be a beautiful partnership where friendship thrives. When we nurture that friendship, we create a safe, loving space where both partners feel seen, valued, and deeply connected. Embrace the challenges, prioritize your relationship, and cultivate a deep bond through shared experiences and mutual growth. Remember, with intentionality and love, you can transform your marriage into one anchored by a profound friendship that withstands the test of time. Together, you can redefine what it means to be friends in marriage, fostering a love that matures and flourishes as you both grow side by side. https://open.spotify.com/episode/3hxs967prVjlrfYVbssYQk.
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Christian Family Life is a marriage discipleship ministry. We are here to offer resources and support no matter what condition your marriage is in. Our passion is to Build, Enrich, and Reconcile Marriages.
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