“Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21
Ephesians 5 tends to be referenced a lot when talking about marriage. It’s important to observe a few things. The portion that precedes the marriage relationship is addressing relationships among believers. It states, among other things, that we should love one another as Christ loved the church, and just before entering into the portion on marriage, it states that we should submit to one another.
We often see loving as Christ loved the church as exclusive to the husband loving the wife. We then see submission as exclusive to the wife submitting to the husband. But if we consider Paul’s letter to the church in Ephesus as a whole, mutual love and submission is what the marriage relationship should model, something that then ripples into the family and the church.
If we don’t get relationships right at home, we won’t get relationships right at church.
Mutual love and submission means that both the husband and the wife love as Christ loved, and submit to one another. Yes, we can certainly see that the husband is first responsible in leading his family spiritually. This means that the husband will lead out in loving, sanctifying through the Word, and submitting to his wife in a way that shows honor and value to her. It doesn’t mean that she rules over him.
It means that he lays down his life for her.
That kind of leadership doesn’t demand respect, it earns it. It doesn’t control, it serves. It doesn’t elevate self, it lifts up the other.
And for the wife, submission is not about losing her voice or value. It’s about responding to Christ first, and then to her husband in a way that reflects trust in God’s design. It’s a posture of strength, not weakness, because it flows from reverence for Christ, not fear of man.
When both husband and wife are living this way, loving sacrificially and submitting mutually, the marriage begins to look different.
We’ll see marriages that are fighting for unity, prioritizing one another, pursuing one another… not perfectly, but intentionally.
Because this kind of marriage doesn’t happen by accident. It’s built through daily decisions to submit to one another first, out of reverence for Christ.
