Recently we did a marriage conference with a ministry and we ended the evening with a Q&A session. We had asked the couples at the beginning of the day to be thinking about questions they might have regarding marriage. Anything was on the table. Ask it and we’ll attempt to answer it. We received questions from one end of the spectrum to the other. From sex, money, leadership, temptation, balance in and outside the home, all the way to how to encourage others to follow the biblical model of marriage. People have questions.
It’s Okay To Not Know Everything
When you are in the process of preparing for marriage, everything is exciting! If we’re honest, most preparation for marriage is actually preparation for a wedding. Now don’t misunderstand me here, I believe extreme intentionality for one of the most important days of your life is a good thing! But let’s be honest, it is just ONE day of your life. Marriage, as God intended, is for a lifetime!
Gio and I (Suzy) like to think of it like this - You don’t know what you don’t know! I believe it is literally impossible for us to truly understand marriage and all that goes along with it without having had any practice. Oh, we bring lots of family-of-origin ways of thinking into our marriage. And we’ve all been impacted by marriage in one way or another, good or bad. But there is no way that we can fully prepare ourselves to navigate the difficulties of marriage before we are married. And that is OKAY! Making room for error and poor judgment, with yourself and your spouse, gives opportunity to extend grace and mercy. Embracing an “I don’t know it all” attitude is not a copout … it can actually be a motivator to look for answers. Which brings me to my next point.
It Matters Where You Go To Find Your Answers
There are so many resources that are readily available, should you take the next step in desiring to be a student of your spouse and in your marriage. That’s why, if you want your marriage to succeed, it matters where you go looking for your answers. When I’m troubleshooting an appliance that’s not working properly, I turn to the world wide web for help. When I put in the problem and my model number the options with solutions start popping up like crazy … but here’s the thing, which site I click on matters. First of all, I’m gonna pass right by those sponsored sites and go directly to the page that is the manufacturer of my appliance. Why? Because they’re the ones that built it. They know best how to repair it. I know this analogy is not foolproof, but work with me. Since God created marriage (Genesis 2:18-22), then it just makes sense that He knows how to make it work! In His word, He gives purpose, shows provision, and provides the power to have a marriage that thrives! I don’t know about you … but that is PRECISELY what I want out of my marriage!
Never Stop Learning
A healthy marriage creates space to learn, grow, and change. God’s Word is the ultimate source of our truth. But He goes above and beyond and allows us to be in relationships with people that can help us discover and discern. Discover new principles found in God’s Word and then discern how to apply them in our marriage. Below are a couple of suggestions to keep yourself in the “learning” stage of your marriage:
1. Find a Godly couple that is further along in years of marriage than you are. This can be an informal or formal method of mentoring. Ask them to dinner. See if you can hang out with them. Anything you can do to spend time with them, observe their interactions with one another, and then ask questions.
2. Find a younger, Godly couple that you can pour into. Gio and I always say, the greatest investment we can make in our marriage is when we invest in other couples! You don’t have to be an expert in all things marriage to do this. Just share what you’ve learned!
Got questions about your marriage? Don’t worry … that’s a good thing!
Check out our podcast with more on this topic here!