“Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10
We hear the phrase identity theft and usually think about our personal information being stolen, but identity theft shows up in marriage too.
It happens anytime something other than Christ becomes the place we go to find our worth.
Melissa Kruger in her book Identity Theft, highlights how easily we attach our worth to things that were never meant to define us.
For some, it shows up as performance: If I do enough, I’ll be loved.
For others, it’s peacekeeping: If nobody is upset, I’m safe.
For some, it’s control: If I can manage the outcome, I won’t get hurt.
And for many of us, it’s approval: If you think well of me, I’ll be okay.
These false identities promise to make us feel accepted, but never actually bring the satisfaction we long to experience.
Over time, that work wears us down. It makes us defensive, because whatever threatens our identity makes us quick to lash out. Usually going silent, blaming others, or simply withdrawing to not deal with realities.
That’s why Galatians 1:10 is such a great reminder that our identity is completely in Christ. Our approval is found in the finished work of Jesus. Jesus paid it all!
Our identity in Christ is received by faith not performance.
And when our identity is tethered to Him, something changes. We don’t have to perform. We don’t have to manage the image. We don’t have to hide. We are released to be all God has created us to be, and we join Him in bringing that same freedom out in our spouse.
We can be honest.
We can be corrected.
We can be known.
This week, when tension rises, try asking your spouse:
“Can you help me understand what you’re feeling right now?”
Stay curious about each other.
When Approval Runs the Marriage: Identity, Trust, and the Gospel
